it was peaceful and in the end i felt good about it. i'm glad he is in a better place with no more pain.

his name was kodiak. he was a chocolate labrador retriever. the runt of the litter. he grew to 150 lbs. not completly unhealthy, he was just that big. he was 15. the kindest dog i have ever had. the happiest dog i have ever had. everytime i came home he would jump up wag his tail and jump up and down until i came over to lay with him. he did this everytime, even today, as i came through the door he looked up, smiled and started painting. tail wagging as fast as he could make it. his cataract filled eyes lit up and with every bit of strength he had he pushed himself up to meet me at the begginning of the linolium that he could no longer walk on. he waited for me to hug him and scratch him behind his ear. he licked me and rubbed his head on me, he was just as happy to see me as he was every day. the tears in my eyes ment no difference to him. he didn't know why i was there, he didn't know i came to take him to his final hour, but i did, and it was killing me. at the vets office in the back room me and the doctor lifted him onto the table. he put the needle in and i asked him if i could do it, it didn't seem right, it seemed better if i did it. he let me do it.. i held his head as he started to breath a little harder and slowly started to fall asleep and i gently laid his head down on the table. the doctor left me alone. by this time my eyes were completly filled with tears, buty they wouldn't drop, i wanted them to but they wouldn't. they weren't tears of sorrow, they were happy tears. he looked so peaceful as he laid there. he looked as if all the pain was finally gone. i thanked him for the 15 years of joy and happiness and love he gave me, unconditionally. all the good times we had. i thanked him for bringing and showing me joy every time i saw him, even till the last few minutes. i gave him one last big hug and a kiss and i walked out. the nurse at the desk came over and hugged me. she told me she saw many people cry, balling even hardly able to control themselves, and she said she's seen people not react at all. she then said that she never saw anyone show so much genuine love and strength as i did. i told her that he wasn't just some pet dog, he never was, he was a member of my family that possibly cared for mr as i for him more then anyone else in my family. she said she wished everyone could care for thier pets like i did. she was obviously just trying to make me feel better but its ok, i appriciate it any way.

i will hold him deep in my heart forever
R.I.P. kody you were the best dog anyone could ask for

things goin ok, smooth enough anyway

book writing is going surprisingly smooth and easy. i'm taking my time with it, going slow cuz i feel i get the best results that way. i started it not even 2 months ago and i'm already up to chapter 3, for me that is pretty good. the more and more reading i do the more i want to pack up my bags and leave this place, for good. i have certain responsibilities at this time though that will not allow me. i may be a little radical and not one to always follow the rules and walk a straight line but i'm not a deralict and i pay off my debts. once that is done though i will be traveling, so if i gotta wait 5 years then so be it. i have to start school anyway, so by the time i get my bacholers my debt will be gone so i guess that works out nice. yerah things are good, things are smooth. i have no real complaints.